tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3669394918563164889.post3325191551591734963..comments2024-03-05T17:07:07.408-08:00Comments on The Raptor Clause: Progress Report: 6/20/2011Grayson Towlerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09480268491290929076noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3669394918563164889.post-4939759854747818612011-06-26T20:27:09.455-07:002011-06-26T20:27:09.455-07:00Not quite. First, you can easily divide up the con...Not quite. First, you can easily divide up the conversation between Gail and Sharon and on their Grandmother's antics in preparing her trap against Sharon. In fact, that would be the most effective method to tell that story prose-wise. <br /><br />As for the section on November 1, 2004, what you have to do is eliminate the extraneous details and cut to the core of the discussion. For instance (and this is fairly bare-bones here, my apologies):<br /><br />"Anyway, this is going to be the first big party since youv'e been healed," Gail said, glancing over at Sharon. "I wonder what people will think?"<br /><br />Sharon rubbed the side of her head and gave her sister a half-smile. "Mom's been preparing her friends, but she can't really keep her story straight. Let's see... there's 'electro-therapy,' the "surgery thing with electrodes,' and of course my favorite, electrolysis!"<br /><br />Gail smirked back at Sharon. "Oh, like YOU have room to talk!"<br /><br />"Who me? Hee hee!"<br /><br />"Yeah you. Let's see... acupuncture, hypnosis, the baboon spine transplant, and my favorite, the 'strategic use of small explosive charges.' I swear, people will believe ANYTHING if you say it with a straight face," she said, shaking her head in disbelief.<br /><br />Sharon looked over at Gail and shrugged, "Hey, the truth is even weirder, you know."<br /><br />----------<br /><br />It's doable. You just need to stick with the core elements and toss the extraneous fluff.<br /><br />Rob H.Acacia H.https://www.blogger.com/profile/07678539067303911329noreply@blogger.com